I had the pleasure of spending last night with the other band wives (well, two wives, one fiance`, and me, the girlfriend) and it was so comforting and refreshing to be with women in the same boat as I. It gets so hard when no one can really relate to your situation. We had such a nice time drinking wine and whiskey and telling stories, working through our feelings, and planning for the best and the worst. What will we do when the money runs out? If they do make it big (it's looking more and more like when they do make it big) how will we be able to be apart for so long? Relationships don't seem to last in this industry, divorce is far too common, so how will we avoid that? It's so important to have a good support system and I wish we all lived closer to each other so it could happen more often. I haven't seen my love in 19 days and he won't be home for another 9, at least. A month feels so much longer than it seems, and it already sounds like forever. I am so lucky to not be alone in this.
One of the girls has a 5 month-old boy. She was saying how when her husband left, Sam, the little one, couldn't sit up or roll over and now he's sneakily able to do both. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to be a single mother for a whole month. If they are still touring this much when we plan to settle down and start a family, will I be able to do that? I don't know. I suppose what's even harder than waiting for them to come home is knowing they won't be home for long before heading out on tour again. Not knowing how much longer they're going to be gone the next time around is painful. I have a friend who's in a serious relationship with a man in a pretty well-known band and she told me there are times when they don't see each other for up to three months at a time. Three months! I can't even imagine.
Growing up, my dad was always gone. He'd be traveling for work for two weeks out of every month, more or less. I saw how hard it was on my mother, raising three girls on her own for so long, and I told myself I wouldn't do that. Yet, here I am, he's been gone for three weeks already and I am patiently waiting for him at home. The most important thing is to stay busy. It makes the time pass faster. But even staying busy becomes a challenge when you just don't want to go to the grocery store because it's so much more fun when he's there, spilling enormous jars of coffee all over the floor. When you just can't imagine getting up and going to a movie without his hands there to keep yours warm. When you don't see the appeal of turning off Netflix and going to bed because who's going to be the big spoon when you're all alone?
The saddest thing about all of this is that when they finally do come home, you find that sleeping next to them is the least comfortable thing, when being wrapped up in their arms used to be the only way you could fall asleep at night. It's really the saddest thing. But here we are, staying strong, staying positive, learning to be completely independent again and trusting that the love doesn't fade before the patience runs out and the distance closes in.
